Welcome to 2019

So the title of this blog post is a bit outdated as we are now well into 2019 as I sit here at my laptop.

I just wanted to stop by to acknowledge the end of 2018 and the launch of a new year with new opportunities.

My post at the start of 2018 talked about what a year 2017 was and once again I am laughing as 2018 was also a year that slapped me up the side of my head too but for quite different reasons.  

2018 was a year that I was forced to face some really uncomfortable home truths - and I walked out of it feeling like my "big girl pants" had been worn with purpose and pride across the year.

2018 was definitely a year of growth - it was one of those years that you realise how much work God has been doing on you, as you find yourself navigating some of the most challenging issues you have ever faced and surviving!

I am feeling hopeful for 2019 - I have big plans for the year and feeling expectant that God is going to come through on my behalf.  I have walked into this year with no idea of how it will end but feeling assured that I will be further ahead than I started.

This year, we will be celebrating 10 years of the Sanctuary - I can't believe it!  Yesterday, we celebrated 6 years since Babygirl came home.  I want to use 2019 as a year of celebration - being thankful for the little milestones as well as the big ones - I am learning that I have so much to be grateful for and this year, I intend to celebrate!

Until next time,

Cece

Learning At Home

2018 has been flying by and as a family we have been adjusting to doing life in a very different way.  I have been a little apprehensive about sharing this recent change to our lives, primarily because it can prove to be an emotive subject and I have been somewhat taken aback by the responses I have received from some people.

In September, DH and I started home educating Babygirl.  Babygirl started Reception class in September 2017 and completed a full year of school.  It wasn't a positive experience and many of the fears and worries I had about putting Babygirl into the school system started to surface in her experiences.  In reality I will probably write a whole post about our experiences of her year in school, but for now I will just share that by the end of Easter term, Babygirl was crying daily and increasingly becoming convinced that she was not smart and unable to learn.  By the summer term, it was clear that Babygirl was not flourishing or enjoying the school experience.  The obvious decision would be to look at other schools but I just felt that was not the solution but that we needed to consider something different.

Let me be clear that I am passionate about education and I am not "anti-school" however I have my questions about whether the school system is really educating our children and catering for all types of learners that walk through their doors.  I don't blame the teachers (as an ex-teacher, I know how hard they work), but I do feel that the school system is not able to effectively meet the needs of all their learners.  I have always been interested in home education and always felt that it was something that I would want to do but I felt that it would an option only for those who were very wealthy etc.  As I watched Babygirl become more withdrawn and anxious, I knew that it was time to evaluate our options.  I discussed home education with DH and was astounded to discover that he was totally up for it and actually preferred the idea of us taking over her education fully.

So at the start of year 1 instead of Babygirl putting on her school uniform and heading back to school, we settled down to start learning at home.  We are now in our final term of home education and whilst it has been a steep learning curve for all of us and challenging at times, Babygirl is flourishing! 

This post is really my announcement to the "world" that we are home educating Babygirl but I would like to share much more.  I am thinking that a series of blog posts explaining our detailed journey into home education, how it has affected us as a family, dispelling some common myths about home education and much more.

Please leave questions or topics that you would like me to cover!

Until next time,
Cece

What's your word for 2018?

The past week has been an interesting one.  It has been intense, hectic and challenging at times but what has probably been most refreshing is that I chose to fully let go of 2017!

It started from last Sunday, when as I sat in church listening to the preacher, I found myself have an internal argument with what was being said from the pulpit.  It was an encouraging and timely word but I felt like I was struggling to receive it.   As I reflected, I realised that I was feeling so battered and bruised by my experiences in 2017 that I dare not believe that 2018 may have something good for me!

I felt tired of "believing" and being battered at the end of it ... or so I felt and whilst I had learnt the lessons of 2017, I failed to realise my need to let go of some of the junk from 2017.

I met up with a friend during the week and as I poured out my feelings of despondency and disappointment, she said some really quite poignant to me which forced me to stop in my tracks and re-evaluate.  She said that the words I used for 2017 were not necessarily the word that God has for my 2018.  She said that if I was not careful, I would end up carrying my 2017 words into 2018 (I'm paraphrasing!).  It struck a chord and I instantly knew that she was right.

I was so busy being wrapped up about how I felt about 2017 that I was running the risk of missing what God is saying to me now!  She told me that it was OK for me for mourn what I felt I had lost in the previous year but that I then needed to get up, dust myself off and move on.  I needed to find out what my word for 2018 is..... so that's exactly what I have been focusing on over the last week.  I have had some honest heart to hearts with God and expressed my disappointment, pain and fears - it has been refreshing and healing.  And now, I am standing up and tuning in to hear what His word for me for 2018.

I encourage those of you who need to follow a similar process to do it now.  Reflect on what you learnt, mourn the losses that need to mourned and then get up, dust yourself and tune in to see what He is saying about 2018.

Until next time,
Cece xx

Lessons learned from 2017

Happy 2018!

Before I wrote this blog post, I read my last post which was about a year ago and I couldn't help chuckle to myself.  I predicted that 2017 was going to be a stormy year but I still walked into it rather unprepared.

On the 31st December 2017, I found myself looking back at 2017 with a sense of great disappointment and big questions about 2018.

The personal storms that hit me in 2017 caught me off guard and left me in a head spin!  It was an emotional year for me and I must admit that by the end of it all, I found myself asking, "What's the point?"

I am pleased to say that over the last few weeks I have moved considerably from that position in my mental state.  I realised that if I didn't focus on learning the lessons I needed to from my 2017 experience, I would end up repeating the same mistakes again.

So these are my top 3 lessons from 2017:

1.  Don't neglect your quiet time with God - towards the end of 2016, I found my stride with spending time with God and it was awesome!!! It transformed my life considerably and brought such clarity in my decisions.  Early in 2017, I lost that regularity and it had a significant impact on my year.  I have always known the importance of regular time with God but having got into a rhythm in 2016 and then losing it, I have learnt a greater appreciation for this time.  It really does make all the difference!
2.  Dare to be different - 2017 was the year we started to home educate "Babygirl".  It was not something we had planned to do and there are definitely times when I wonder if we've made the right decision, because it isn't easy but when I see the progress she is making I feel convinced that it is working for her.  If you would like more information about how we ended up being home educators, let me know in the comments and I will do a post.
3.  Learn how to deal with disappointment - I had hoped to launch a major project in 2017 but it didn't happen and I was quite frankly devastated.  All my decisions in 2017 were based on fulfilling this project, and as the end of the year approached, I realised that I was going to have to make alternative plans.  As we start 2018, I am still reeling a little bit from the experience but I am learning how to get on with life and continue to find purpose where I am, in spite of my disappointment!

So those were my lessons from 2017 - what did you learn in 2017?

Until next time,
Cece

Are you ready for your "suddenly"?

Last Saturday we had our first Sanctuary meeting for the year.  The title of the message was "Are you ready for your "suddenly"?

Let me start by putting this message into some context.

At the end of last year, God gave me a vision of a tornado of fire in a room.  It was tearing up and consuming the whole room and yet I did not feel any fear.  I knew it was the Holy Spirit and that God was showing me that some "tornadoes" were going to come into my life to throw up everything.  The process would consume the parts of my life and character that needed to cleaned up to prepare me for the upcoming season in my life.

Picture from hdwallpaperia.com

I felt compelled to share this message at the brunch and so we took a closer look at tornadoes which was eye opening and brought a greater understanding of what God is saying in this season.

This is the video we watched:

We observed the sheer power of a tornado, it's impact on the Earth and the period where heaven is quite literally connected to Earth through this destructive and yet beautiful natural phenomena.

In summary, we considered the following:

• A tornado not only signifies change but a moment when God touches down on Earth to make an impact and shake our foundations.
• A tornado is visible to all but not all will be prepared.
• Meterologists can recognise the signs - they are trained to see the signs but they cannot predict exactly when or where it will hit.  Hence, a tornado occurs "suddenly"!
• If you are tuned into seeing the signs, we will prepared but if we fail to tune in, we will be caught off guard

The tornado will come and it will be sudden but the question remains:  "Are you ready for your suddenly?"

In my next post, I will share the rest of the message as we consider how "suddenlys" can occur and how to live life after your "suddenly".

Big Shoes to Fill

I love this picture.  It makes me smile for 2 reasons - firstly because it reminds me of Babygirl.

Babygirl has always loved shoes and this appears to be a trend that will continue for the rest of her life.  She has an eye for high quality shoes and thinks nothing of stopping a complete stranger to tell them how marvellous their shoes are.  The picture reminds me of the many times I have watched Babygirl try on my shoes and attempt to strut around my bedroom.  When I arrive home and find my shoes in a dishevelled heap, I know that Babygirl has been entering herself with a private fashion show in front of my mirror with my shoes being the key highlight of the whole event.

The second reason it makes me smile is because it reflects how I am currently feeling about 2017.  As I mentioned in my first post for this year, 2017 is looking like it is going to be a big year for me.  Whilst, I know what is ahead, I think the reality of it all has only hit me over the past week.  I've been battling butterflies for the whole week and to be honest, I can't remember the last time I had butterflies!

Actually I can - I just took a look back through my blog posts and I believe that the last time I documented butterflies was 2011 (how sad am I?!).  But my main point is that I am juggling a challenging combination of emotions - primarily excitement and hope with a huge dose of sheer terror.  I can't disclose the details of the project I am referring to yet but I will as things become more concrete (annoying I know!).  Anyway, back to the picture!

It sums up how I am feeling - I feel like I have big shoes to fill.  This year is a year that I am being challenged to grow up and step out into the next new phase of my life.  This is a phase that I have thought about and dreamt about for years and part of me can't believe that it's here.  I am also struggling to digest just how big a step it is and as I pray about it and try to tune in to what God is saying, I find myself quaking at the thought of what He is asking me to do.

I know that I'm not the first person to be thrown by what God is asking them to do and I know I won't be the last, but I am doing my best to respond appropriately.  In my mind, my response is somewhere on the spectrum between Moses and Mary, mother of Jesus.  These two characters show the realities of how we can respond to God's requests.  At one end, we have Mary who whilst initially afraid at the sight of the angel was quick to respond with the gallant statement, "Let it be to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38).  At the other end, we have Moses who enters into a lengthy discussion with God about the pros and cons (ok - primarily the cons!) of sending him to face Pharoah (see Exodus 3 & 4 - yes, 2 chapters - it was a long "discussion"!).  Whilst my heart seeks to be like Mary, in reality, I am probably positioned a bit closer to the "Moses" end of the spectrum, but I find comfort in that regardless of the different initial responses from these 2 characters, they both went on to obey God.

And this takes me back to my over-sized high heeled shoes.  I know that I'm going to do what He is asking me to do, but I can't help wondering how shaky and tentative my first steps will be.  What I do know is that if I focus on following His directions and remain determined to be obedient to His call - it is only a matter of time before I'll being strutting and striding down my own catwalk!  Although between you and I, I think I'll always feel like the shoes are still just a little too big!

Until next time,
Cece xx

Daring to Dream Again in 2017

For those of you who know me in real life, you will know that I love to plan.  I am a planner through and through, and I love spending time planning, developing and working on projects.  This teamed with my mild obsession with stationery means that I own a ridiculously large number of notebooks and have tried almost every planning system going!  If you would like to know how I plan my life and keep myself organised, please ask in the comments and I will write a blog post or perhaps even film a video.

Anyway, I have digressed a little - I love to plan.  People who plan are not just people who like to organise but fundamentally we are dreamers - our plans involve looking at what we want to see in the future and organising the steps to get there.

Last year, I planned and led a mission trip to St Kitts - the planning started one whole year in advance.  The plan involved putting together a team, coordinating flights and accommodation for the team, arranging training sessions, organising prayer meetings, liaising with churches and developing an itinerary for the 2 weeks.  It also involved ensuring that the team knew what their roles & responsibilities would be on the trip, as well as ensuring that our host church was kept up to date with our day to day plans throughout the trip.  It was exhausting, stretching and awesome - I loved it!!!  There is very little that compares with the satisfaction of seeing something that started as a dream in your mind come to life.

These pictures were taken on our penultimate day in St Kitts.  We are enjoying one of my most favourite views in St Kitts at the top of Brimstone Hill (we went up there to have our final debrief for the trip) - I remember thinking "You actually did it Celeste!".  I could not believe that what had been a dream for almost 10 years had finally come together and I was now sharing parts of St Kitts I loved with people I had bonded with in a new and special way as we "wrapped up" our mission trip!  It was an overwhelming moment!

So I love to dream and I have always prided myself on being a dreamer but recently in a discussion with a friend I began to realise that I had closed down my dreaming ability in certain areas of my life.

Daring to dream is exciting and exhilarating but when you are having to wait for the dream - you can start to become reluctant to get your hopes up.  As someone who automatically starts to dream as soon as a new idea crosses my mind, it can be difficult when you have been dreaming, planning and mapping out your future in faith and you get to the point where you start to question the whole process because it hasn't happened yet.  This laying down of hope can be a dramatic decision to stop dreaming, or a gradual fading away of enthusiasm and focus until suddenly one day, you realise that you have lost hope.  The interesting thing about the gradual fading process is that you can still appear to be on the "faith" walk  - you continue to say all the right things, but when you look deep down you know that the hope is gone and you're not really standing in faith any more.

So my recent discussion has led me to look at going back to dreaming and hoping in those areas again.  It is a challenge and as I can still remember how painful the disappointment felt.  But I know that God is challenging me to go back to walking in some crazy faith, so I'm going to go for it.

This blog post is a special shout out to all who have become weary in waiting and stopped hoping due to being beaten down by disappointment and delay.  Maybe it's time to get back on the faith walk - will you dare to hope again?  Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  - faith starts with hope so are you willing to get your hopes up?

Let's make 2017 - a year of hope!  Dare to dream again for with Him all things are possible!!!

Until next time,
Cece
xxx