He will perfect ALL that concerns me (Psalm138:8)

Hello everyone!

Today DH and I made a major purchase.  As we sat down to sign the paperwork, I wondered "Am I choosing this object over our baby?"  What we bought is actually a genuine need for our family and a step towards preparing for the children we hope to have.  And yet, the commitment of finances seemed so overwhelming!  Each purchase (no matter how sensible) seems to be money taken away from our IVF project.  As we left the store, I thought about our purchase and how it would support us in our goal of being parents and it's then that I realised that I would be content to become a parent via any route (including adoption).

Adoption is something that DH and I have discussed in detail and are committed to doing regardless of whether we give birth to natural children or not.  It may have been due to some recent conversations I've had with mothers who have adopted and listened to their sense of contentment and deep love for their children.  But today I had to ask myself the question, "Would you be content with adopted children?"  and was surprised to hear my answer was "yes".  So what does this mean?  To be honest, I'm not sure.  Am I saying that I no longer want to pursue the IVF route?  No, but I am saying that if it isn't successful that I wouldn't be devastated if we were only blessed with children via adoption.

Now I can hear some of you shouting "Where's your faith?  What do you mean if it doesn't happen? Don't you know that God can do it?"  Of course, I know that He can do anything - He's God!!!  But I am aware that I don't know HOW He is going to make me the mummy I want to be.

Ten years ago, God used someone to tell that I would face a battle in my womb but that God would raise up on that day and that I would know that He is my Lord, my God.  This is the word that keeps me going in the dark times but I am so aware that we prophesy in part and know in part.  This word assures me that I will be a mummy but how it will come about, I don't know!

I guess all I'm saying is that I'm preparing to receive whatever God has for me in whatever format He chooses.

So why have I chosen the title for this post?  This scripture has carried me through my long distance courtship with my husband and the stress of waiting for a visa for us so that we could be together in the same country.  It reminds me that God is working it all out for me.  So as I sit here typing this blog wondering where the money will come from for IVF, wondering if IVF is how God will do, wondering if my thoughts are in line with God's thoughts on this matter or not - one thing that I can know in the midst of all these questions is that He WILL perfect ALL that concerns me!

Now I don't know how many of you are out there reading this, but I would really appreciate you commenting on my blog and sharing your views on what I have been sharing.  It is my desire that this blog encourages those walking on the same path as me and enlighten those who are cheering us along.

Have a blessed day!
Cece

Visit to the Clinic

Today DH and I went to a fertility clinic to attend an information evening. As I sat in the waiting room along with all the other couples I thought about the issue of faith.  There were about nine couples waiting there to hear all about the IVF process and why this particular clinic should be chosen and I realised that based on statistics only 3 of the couples would fall pregnant via IVF.  Not great odds really!  It was then that I realised even more so that the IVF process itself requires faith.  When first faced with the decision regarding IVF, I wondered whether I was showing a lack of faith by pursuing the IVF route instead of "trusting that God will do it".   Please don't misunderstand what I am saying!  I firmly believe that God is able to do it in spite of what the doctors have said BUT it requires faith to go down the IVF route too.  The doctors can do their best but even they admit that a large part of the process is waiting to see what will be.

So we went in and heard what the doctor had to say - she was honest (brutal at times) and made it clear that there was only so much that they can do and for some it would be down to "luck".  It's a scary prospect to pay all of that money, disrupt your hormonal cycle, run the risk of serious illness and possibly still leave with nothing!  Sometimes it's hard to understand why God has allowed this to happen for us but I know that whatever we go through that He is with us.

On a positive note, I really liked this clinic.  It felt right!   I can't explain it fully but I am realising that when you are choosing a clinic for this process, the way you feel about the clinic can have a huge effect.  I want to go to a clinic where I am confident that they are doing their best for me, understand how challenging the IVF process can be for us and provide the best possible facilities.

We visited another clinic a few months ago and the experience was very different.  The embryologist was amazing - his enthusiasm for his work was touching and I felt like I could trust him with "my babies"!  But the consultant was a different matter, she spoke about the IVF process with passion but when it came to basic customer service she was terrible.  It felt like a hard sell and a quick rush to get us to book an appointment.  I just couldn't trust that her recommendations would be what's best for me rather than what's best for her bank account!  I may be wrong but this is so much money and I believe that you need to feel at peace with the person who is going to carry out this procedure.  I wondered how she could get away with being like this but then I realised that in this industry you are dealing with people who are on the verge of desperation (if not already there) and will take any treatment.

So what's the next step?  We have to set aside money for the first consultation, get our medical notes from the hospital and I need to push harder on the weight loss front!

Looking forward to hearing your comments.
Cece