1. I wasn't sure that I had anything left to write
2. I didn't want Babygirl to become an "internet object"
Let me tackle these in reverse order:
When I started this blog, I didn't really have a plan. I just wanted to have an outlet to express how I felt through what was proving to be a trying journey. At some point along the way, I realised that my outpouring of thoughts on a screen might be of use to someone else out there, and so I decided to share it more widely. However, when Babygirl came along, I wasn't sure how to proceed. I shared little snippets about her but I never wanted her to become the main focus of the blog. Earlier this year, I heard about some comments that were being made about Babygirl in real life - they weren't unpleasant comments but for some reason it unsettled me. I didn't want my decision to share personal aspects of my life to prevent Babygirl from having the privacy she would need as she grew. So I decided to shut down the blog - I even drafted the final set of posts entitled "Tying Up Loose Ends" in preparation to close the blog down. However, the decision to close the blog didn't quite sit right with me, but this led to the second problem......
If I did continue to blog, what would I write about?
It seemed a natural progression from talking about infertility and adoption to start to write about motherhood and parenting. However, this is not something I have ever desired to write about and I feel that there are plenty of fantastic parenting blogs out there that are sharing great tips and advice. I wanted my blog to continue to be a true reflection of me whilst covering a topic that I was passionate about. So I simply decided to stop writing until I had something to say.
And here I am......
My reason for getting back to the keyboard was a sermon that my Pastor shared a few weeks ago. It focussed on one verse in the Bible, Judges 2: 10
"When all that generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel."
In his sermon, he expressed the importance of sharing our testimony. Testimony may sound like such an old fashioned word and depending on which type of church you go to, you may find that certain images and expectations come to mind. But your testimony is simply telling people what you know about God and what He has done for you. In Judges, we see the Israelites becoming unfaithful to God because the new generation did not know God for themselves and had not been told what He had done for Israel before. As he spoke, I realised that this blog has acted as my testimony. I suddenly felt a need to start writing again - it helped me to go back to seeing this blog as I originally saw it - a place where I could share what God has done and is doing for me.
In the first post on this blog, I invited you to join me on a journey. I wasn't sure what the outcome would be and I wasn't sure where I was going. So here I am in the 92nd post asking you to do the same again, except this time, it will be the journey of this blog.
I am going to start writing again. I'm going to go back to writing from the heart and sharing what is on my mind - some of it will be infertility, some of it will be motherhood and the rest will be all the things in between. I hope you will join me - as always I encourage you to write comments and ask questions. Perhaps your question or comment will act as inspiration for the next post!
Until next time,
Cece xxx
