This week has been hectic - I've been tutoring students, solving a wide range of problems at work and preparing various activities outside of work. Busy, busy, busy! So I was somewhat relieved when the social worker cancelled our meeting this week. It meant that I actually had an evening to just sit down and relax with DH. However, during our general chit chat we got back to the topic of adoption, with a particular focus on some the other prospective adopters who are currently going through the assessment process. We discussed a couple who were waiting to see whether they would be allowed to continue with the process as the social worker has some concerns about their financial situation. We know that we don't necessarily have the full picture, but to be honest, their financial situation didn't seem that bad and we were shocked to hear that their process was in jeopardy for this reason. My heart went out to this couple - they have already been through so much due to failed IVF cycles and now seemed to be getting a raw deal in the adoption process.
And then it came - FEAR!
What if I haven't lost enough weight? What if they don't think we're committed enough? What if they say that we need more savings? As I tried to find out what EXACTLY the social worker would be looking for in adoptive parents, it became apparent that the criteria was so vague and subjective that it seems to come down to the preferences of the social worker.
I arrived at the next stage - PANIC!
What if they decide that we can't adopt? What if they actually say no to us? Could I handle that? What would the next step be? Will I ever become a mummy?! I shared my concerns with my mum in an emotional phone call this week - she did her best to reassure me, despite me being convinced that no-one seemed to understand just how bad this could be. Then she made a simple and powerful statement - "Have you forgotten all that God has already done in the past?" She proceeded to remind me of all the times that God had come through and made possible what seemed impossible.
And there it was the Homer moment - DOH!
How had I forgotten who God was and what He can do? I thought that I had packed God securely into my backpack for the journey but apparently He had fallen out and I hadn't even noticed!
Psalm 103 says:
1 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless His Holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all His benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Do you see it there in verse 2? - "Forget not all His benefits". There has to be a reason why David wrote that - possibly because we as humans have a habit of doing exactly that!
So, having come to my senses and realised that God is ultimately in control of my life. I would like to remind you all that whatever path you may be on - don't forget to take God with you! If you've forgotten Him along the way, hurry back and put Him back into your rucksack. Make sure that He's securely in place and I'd advise you to make regular stops on the way to make sure you haven't carelessly dropped Him along the way.
Psalm 138:8 says that He will perfect all that concerns me - and that includes adoption as far as I'm concerned!
God bless,
Cece
xxx
