In a tailspin!

Hello everyone!
I know that I said I wouldn't be coming back on until the end of June but I really need to write down what is going on with me.
Booking my treatment consultation appointment has sent me into to what can only be described as a complete tailspin!  I don't really know where to start - my first response to booking the appointment was butterflies.  I felt excited about the possibilities that lay ahead.  However, this excitement has now changed to fear, anxiety and stress.  Everyone around me keeps telling me to just relax but it is so hard. So I'm hoping that coming on here and venting will help me.
The whole process is daunting and so overwhelming!  I can't think of anything that I have found as scary as this in my whole life.  So why am I afraid?  I think it's the complete lack of control that I feel.  I am embarking on a process which seems to be so open to "chance". It feels like I am stepping into the unknown - I'm not sure how this whole thing will affect me.  I'm shocked that I've been shaken just by booking the appointment.
This process could change my life forever or leave me feeling bitterly disappointed.  I am already know that I will not allow this to break me if it doesn't provide the outcome I want, but how bad will it be?  I have read on so many forums and watched videos of women who are devastated.  The IVF process is a perfect application of the scripture, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick".  So what do I do?  Do I allow myself to hope?  Of course, I know that I need to be positive, but my fear is that the more I hope, the more it will hurt if it fails.
I seem to have returned to being an emotional wreck.  I find myself tearing up during work, having silly disagreements with DH and just generally feeling vulnerable.
This journey is not easy.  Each stage seems to throw up a new set of challenges and emotions to face.  Part of me wants to just get started while the rest of me worries about what lies ahead.  I wish I had more words to explain how this feels.
Please pray for us and all the other couples embarking on this journey over the next few months. 
Cece
xxx