To DH

Ok, so I'm on a roll and thought I'd write this post now.  I've been intending to write it for months but haven't got round to it.  Recently a friend reminded me that in the midst of everything, it's important to be thankful.  So I am going to use to forum to say thank you ......

To the one who has supported and loved me from the moment we met
To the one who has helped me to believe in my ability to achieve and my self worth
To the one who has walked along with me in what have been dark and difficult times
To the one who has told me that I'm beautiful even when I've been sick and looked REALLY rough!
To the one who has promised to stay with me even if  I am never able to provide the child that he craves
To my dear husband, I say thank you.

There was a time when I believed that God had brought you into my life at the right time to help me through the journey He has been taking me on. 

Now I can say "I know".

The Pressure of Responsibility

I've been trying to write this post for 4 days now and finally feel like I have the words to express what I'm trying to say.
I'm feeling really under a lot of pressure at the moment.  For the first time, I am realising that so much of the success of this process depends on me!  If I don't lose the weight, we can't do the IVF cycle.  If I take too long to lose the weight, I reduce our chances as my eggs will be getting older!  For the first time, I'm feeling very alone.  DH has been great but there is only so much he can do.  No matter what he says - when it comes to this stage, it's all on me.

That's a lot to take on - not just the responsibility for myself but also the hopes of others.  This process is so much more difficult than I thought and I haven't even made it to the first injection!

I know that I can do it but in the midst of all of this - I feel like I'm losing the joy of what I have achieved.  I have lost weight but I just don't have time to stop and celebrate that.

To be honest, I sometimes feel like giving up.  All this for something that I'm not even sure will work.  I find myself asking why don't we skip this part and head straight for adoption?  I know that there are many couples who have this decision and I understand why.  At the moment, my sole reason for carrying on is that I think I would regret it if I hadn't even tried.

I feel so tired.  This tiredness is not just due to the fact that it's the end of a busy school year but it's a tiredness caused by the constant battle.  I've been fighting since October to stay positive, focus on losing the weight and remain hopeful but it feels like my strength is going.

Pray for me.
Cece
xxx

Delayed but not denied!

I had my appointment at the end of the month and was told I needed to lose another 11 pounds before I can go ahead with the cycle.  I was a little disappointed but not devastated as my prayer throughout all of this whole process has been for God's will to be done.  I guess it wasn't time yet!

In the meantime, I've been focussing on getting on with life.  It has become increasingly important for me to ensure that I am living life to the fullest!  In our waiting we must ensure that we carry on living.

Stay blessed!
Cece
xxx