I'm feeling really under a lot of pressure at the moment. For the first time, I am realising that so much of the success of this process depends on me! If I don't lose the weight, we can't do the IVF cycle. If I take too long to lose the weight, I reduce our chances as my eggs will be getting older! For the first time, I'm feeling very alone. DH has been great but there is only so much he can do. No matter what he says - when it comes to this stage, it's all on me.
That's a lot to take on - not just the responsibility for myself but also the hopes of others. This process is so much more difficult than I thought and I haven't even made it to the first injection!
I know that I can do it but in the midst of all of this - I feel like I'm losing the joy of what I have achieved. I have lost weight but I just don't have time to stop and celebrate that.
To be honest, I sometimes feel like giving up. All this for something that I'm not even sure will work. I find myself asking why don't we skip this part and head straight for adoption? I know that there are many couples who have this decision and I understand why. At the moment, my sole reason for carrying on is that I think I would regret it if I hadn't even tried.
I feel so tired. This tiredness is not just due to the fact that it's the end of a busy school year but it's a tiredness caused by the constant battle. I've been fighting since October to stay positive, focus on losing the weight and remain hopeful but it feels like my strength is going.
Pray for me.
Cece
xxx
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