Learning To Stand

I hope that you all have been having a wonderful summer.  My summer has been full and productive although my main goal of completing an IVF cycle has not happened and I will returning to work in 2 weeks.  I am disappointed but I feel like I have arrived at another stage in this journey.

I have wept bitter tears, questioned God, envied others, seen the benefits of my situation and then plunged into deep depression as I faced the difficulties.  I have obsessed over losing weight until I became bored of food and dismissed my weight loss, so far, as not enough.  And now I am learning to stand.

This new position has been inspired by a few women in the Bible as well as a scripture in Ephesians.   My first hero is Elizabeth - having reached an old age and now apparently not expecting to have a child anymore, she becomes the mother of John the Baptist.  There is something comforting about seeing a woman who really wasn't expecting it to happen and suddenly God comes along and does it!   I can imagine what it must have been like to spend all those years hoping and watching your "fertile" years pass by.  It is evident from the story that her and her husband had been praying but it seemed as though they had now concluded that maybe it wasn't God's plan after all!  Then an angel comes along and changes everything!

Second hero has to be Hannah!  Re-reading Hannah's story this week really challenged me.  Hannah promised to hand over her child to God if He blessed her with a son.  Let's pause and think about that!  She has been asking for a child for years with bitter tears and now she agrees to hand over the one thing that she wanted so badly!  Surely, part of having children is to enjoy watching them grow up, but to a certain extent Hannah forfeited that!  She was blessed with more children, but what a promise to make when there is no guarantee that you would have another!  Hannah challenges me to let go - to hand over everything to God willingly.

These two women along with Ephesians 6 have helped me to reach the position of standing.  Hannah challenges me to let go completely and Elizabeth encourages me to stand.  In Ephesians 6:13 it says "Therefore put on God's complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]."  In essence, having done all that you can, all that's left to do it stand.  Now I know that there is more that I can do - mainly lose weight but aside from that all I can do now is stand and wait.

The weight loss has been tough and I feel so disheartened at times when I let myself down in that area and as I mentioned in my last post, it feels like my success not only affects me but also DH.  Now, I'm simply asking God to help me each day to be disciplined and reach the goal.  But even when the weight loss is conquered, I know that there may well be a lot more standing to do.  I don't know when God is going to do it - it could be next month, or it could be in ten years time.  All I know is that I can decide how I wait.

So my aim over the next month is to assume the standing position.  This is involves trusting that God's got it covered, focussing on serving others by carrying out the ministry I know that God has called me to and waiting for Him to do it.

Stay blessed,
Cece
xxx