Well, a few of the people who have been reading my blog have asked how they can help to support me during this journey. I know that a lot of my close friends have felt a little stunned by my last post as I was brutally honest. This brutal honesty helped them to understand my pain in more detail but also left them feeling quite helpless. So here is my advice. I can only tell you what I find helpful but anyone else out there who is on this journey, feel free to post your comments. On a bad day, I need the same support you would give to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. When someone has lost a loved one, you just support them by being there and letting them talk about it if they want to. We don't offer advice on how to get over their loss nor to do we tell them that is going to be OK. We are just provide a reassurring presence of support. For me that's the best support that I can get at the low points. Earlier this week, my two best friends came over to see me. I was feeling really low and being good friends they sensed this and turned up at my house. We talked a little bit about my struggle but it was just so nice to have company and know that they were there for me. I want to use this public forum to thank them - it was just what I needed! As I told them in a text that evening, it reminded me that although I have to walk this path on my own - I am not alone!
So I'm feeling rather positive at the moment. I am not sure how much of my happiness is due to the great weekend that I've had but I must say that I am feeling pretty good. It's been a while since I've felt this good! Yesterday I went out with some uni friends and it was just so nice to be out on the town! We ate amazing food and enjoyed cocktails at a lovely bar. It was just so nice to be out with people and having fun! As I walked along Oxford Street heading to catch the underground train, I felt a real sense of contentment. I guess I felt like I was actually living life! As I've thought about it throughout today, I've realised that this is exactly what I had been missing - living life! We can spend so much time, planning for the future, worrying about what we don't have and longing for what others have, that we fail to appreciate the life we have today and we fail to live it! When battling infertility this can become rampant in your life. You spend time reading online networks to get more tips on the preparing for IVF. You wonder where you will get the money and whether you should have made that purchase. You read success stories and rewrite it in your mind with you as the main character. You read about those who weren't successful and worry about how you will respond if you get the starring role in that version of the story. This isn't living! It is waiting to start living and it can last for years!! Life is for living and so I'm going to start doing that! No, I'm not going to start going out every night and partying wildly BUT I am going to make a conscious effort to enjoy life and all it has to offer.
Now I'll be honest, I'm not sure why things seem so good today. I am hoping that it is sign of me moving towards the path of peace in God that I have been looking for, but I have been on this road long enough to know that it could all be very different tomorrow. As I told my friend recently, one day I can watch a woman give birth on TV and smile at the beauty of the miracle of life. On other day, the title of the programme is enough to make me cry, so we will see what tomorrow brings.
However, I am confident that God has started a work in me that He will complete and I know that part of that involves me being at peace with myself and whatever life brings. So I pray, keep working on me God and in the midst of it all - protect my heart!
Love you all and have a great day!
Cece
xxx
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