The Car

Well I had bit of a meltdown over the weekend and it was all over a car (well kind of!). I have been waiting to buy a new car for the last 2 years and on Saturday DH and I almost bought one. We reserved it and were supposed to collect it yesterday but as we sat on bus heading to the dealership we both got the sense that it would be a mistake to buy it. Even though I knew it was the right decision I felt frustrated. I realized that my frustration was not actually about the car but the whole situation. I descended into a spiral of frustration and anger. The injustice of it all! Why do we have to go through this?! Why do we even have to consider each financial decision as a decision between that and having a baby? I wasn't depressed or broken - I just vocalised what I've been feeling since October. I've felt that in the midst of all of this, that it wouldn't be right to express how I really feel about it! But now I realise that it's ok for me to sometimes let it all out. It doesn't mean that I've lost my faith nor does it mean that I've given up - I'm just being real! It was an amazing relief as I finally felt like I could be real. DH was great! Also it gave me the shaking that I needed to start fighting again! I will be a mum and I'm not going to give up. This battle and these tears will not be in vain! I know that God will bring something good out of this.
So I called three clinics today to get quotes - it's time to step out in faith and prepare to see the amazing things that God is going to do.
Be encouraged ladies!
Cece
xxx