Today DH and I made a major purchase. As we sat down to sign the paperwork, I wondered "Am I choosing this object over our baby?" What we bought is actually a genuine need for our family and a step towards preparing for the children we hope to have. And yet, the commitment of finances seemed so overwhelming! Each purchase (no matter how sensible) seems to be money taken away from our IVF project. As we left the store, I thought about our purchase and how it would support us in our goal of being parents and it's then that I realised that I would be content to become a parent via any route (including adoption).
Adoption is something that DH and I have discussed in detail and are committed to doing regardless of whether we give birth to natural children or not. It may have been due to some recent conversations I've had with mothers who have adopted and listened to their sense of contentment and deep love for their children. But today I had to ask myself the question, "Would you be content with adopted children?" and was surprised to hear my answer was "yes". So what does this mean? To be honest, I'm not sure. Am I saying that I no longer want to pursue the IVF route? No, but I am saying that if it isn't successful that I wouldn't be devastated if we were only blessed with children via adoption.
Now I can hear some of you shouting "Where's your faith? What do you mean if it doesn't happen? Don't you know that God can do it?" Of course, I know that He can do anything - He's God!!! But I am aware that I don't know HOW He is going to make me the mummy I want to be.
Ten years ago, God used someone to tell that I would face a battle in my womb but that God would raise up on that day and that I would know that He is my Lord, my God. This is the word that keeps me going in the dark times but I am so aware that we prophesy in part and know in part. This word assures me that I will be a mummy but how it will come about, I don't know!
I guess all I'm saying is that I'm preparing to receive whatever God has for me in whatever format He chooses.
So why have I chosen the title for this post? This scripture has carried me through my long distance courtship with my husband and the stress of waiting for a visa for us so that we could be together in the same country. It reminds me that God is working it all out for me. So as I sit here typing this blog wondering where the money will come from for IVF, wondering if IVF is how God will do, wondering if my thoughts are in line with God's thoughts on this matter or not - one thing that I can know in the midst of all these questions is that He WILL perfect ALL that concerns me!
Now I don't know how many of you are out there reading this, but I would really appreciate you commenting on my blog and sharing your views on what I have been sharing. It is my desire that this blog encourages those walking on the same path as me and enlighten those who are cheering us along.
Have a blessed day!
Cece
This is beautiful. Your faith inspires and encourages me. You are real with God and with your concerns. I can tell that you first and foremost want to fulfill God's will in your life and trust that although it may not be through the avenue you think God remains God and His ways are perfect.
ReplyDeleteYour spritual humility and submission to God's will is written all over this blog post. I would urge you to stand even taller and prouder in times of doubt as well as in those of certainty because in my experience, they are both different aspects of the same relationship with our Creator. I sense through reading this (and I may be wrong) that even now you've decided that IVF is an option on the road to becoming a mummy, that it's a 'poor cousin' if you like to all the other options... Intentions DO matter and yours are as oure as they come so enjoy the wonders of mordern medicine and the part (large or small) they play in your journey to parenthood x
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