Wow! I can't believe that it has been two months since I last wrote a post. So much has happened in eight weeks that it feels like a lifetime! I'm going to attempt to bring you up to date but I must warn you that a lot has happened so you may want to go and make a cup of tea, and settle down for a nice long read!
This summer has been a rollercoaster with most of the ride appearing to be going downhill. It all began within days of school breaking up for the summer holidays.
DH and I own a small flat which we rent out and have been trying to get rid of our difficult tenants for a while! We finally managed to get a court order for eviction for a week after school broke up. We were heading for a hopefully straightforward eviction until our tenants decided that they wanted to oppose our eviction order two days before the eviction date. So I found myself wanting in a court house a few days after school had broken up instead of relaxing in bed recovering from a tough academic year. We won the case with great ease although I found the whole experience rather tiring and a little overwhelming! A few days later, our tenants left and we finally got to see the full state of the flat. It was disgusting! I have never seen anything like it and to be honest I hope to never experience such filth again! The next 2 weeks were consumed with daily trips to the flat to clean, renovate and decorate. We had to replace flooring, carpets and repaint the walls, retile the bathroom and deep clean a kitchen that clearly had never been cleaned for the last three years. By the end of the 2 weeks, I was frustrated and tired. My summer holiday had been hijacked and all I had done since the break up of school was work! In addition to all of this, there was the concern as to whether we would be able to get the flat ready for a new tenant to cover our costs as we really couldn't afford to pay for two properties simultaneously. I felt stressed and rather bitter that the summer I had delibrately left clear to allow me to start preparing our house for receiving an adopted child, had now become a lot of hard work! We placed the flat on the market for rental and hoped that someone would turn up soon.
I settled down to the rest of the summer only to be informed by the British Gas engineer who came to carry out the annual service of our boiler that it was unsafe and had to be replaced immediately! We now had to find £3000 to pay for its replacement or face a winter with no heating! Well, obviously the latter was not an option, especially as we have to prove to our SW that our house is suitable for a child. So we dug into our pockets and booked the replacement of our boiler. A few days later, we received news from overseas that DH's mum was ill and had been taken into hospital. We were told that there was no need to worry at the moment but that we would be kept up to date. Two days later, we received a call to say that she was terminally ill and that we should travel immediately if we wanted to see her before she died. It was devastating news for us both and so we dug into our savings once again and booked flights to fly out a day after our boiler installation was due to be completed.
We arrived unsure of what we would be facing. Fortunately my mum had been spending her summer overseas and so we met her there and she had been keeping an eye on the situation with DH's mum. We found his mum in good spirits but very unwell. We had booked for a week and weren't sure how long we would have to stay. A few days after we arrived, we spoke to the doctor who was pleased to tell us that the test results had come back suggesting that she was NOT terminally ill at all but had developed a very rare syndrome which often presents as terminal cancer. He said that he wanted to carry out further tests to arrnage the steps ahead but assured us that the situation could be rectified with a simple operation. She would need to get her strength up before surgery but he was hopeful and positive about the prognosis. We decided to return to England, grateful that we had been there to receive such good news!
During the flight home, I started to feel discomfort in my left ankle. It felt slightly swollen and painful. When we got home, we were shattered! We went straight to bed - I woke up a few hours later to find that my foot was still very sore and swollen. Having been on two long haul flights within a week, I became concerned and headed to the hospital. After several hours, involving a couple of examinations by doctors and some blood tests, the doctor informed me that she suspected that I had a DVT. I was given an injection to thin the blood and told that I would need to return for daily injections until they could carry out a scan to confirm whether or not it was a blood clot. This placed another spanner in the works! DH and I had booked to be away for that week with our church on a retreat. We had both felt very strongly that God wanted us to go on this retreat but now it looked like it was not going to happen. I asked if the medication could be adminstered at a hospital near the retreat location but the doctor said that it had to be at my local hospital. I went home defeated.
To be honest, I felt thoroughly battered! I felt like we hadn't been given a break at all and that we were being constantly bombarded with problems every week. This was now the last week of the summer holidays and I felt shattered! I desparately wanted some time away with DH and God to just rest, enjoy His presence and spend quality time with DH. It was then I decided to fight. I prayed. I asked God to work it out as I knew that this retreat was not just a good idea but something that He had impressed on our hearts to attend! I prayed and then told DH to pack as we were going to the retreat. I wasn't intending to travel recklessly without treatment but I was trusting that God was going to work things out so that we could go.
The morning that we were due to leave for the retreat, we had our bags packed. I was due to go for my daily injection as usual as a scan slot had not become available yet. That morning, the hospital rang to say that they had a slot for me that afternoon! I was so happy - providing the scan was clear, we would be able to go to the retreat. We would be late but we would make it! I got to the hospital and had the scan! It was all clear! And we were free to go! We headed off for the retreat with joy and thanksgiving. We knew that God had something for us on this retreat. In light of all that had happened, DH and I joked that God must be planning something really good for us if we were bombarded with some many challenges! The retreat did indeed prove to be fruitful! God spoke to us directly in a very clear manner which left us rejoicing! I will cover the retreat in more detail in a separate post as it really deserves a post of its own but the day we heard from God was absolutely amazing. It was during an evening service and we returned to our room overjoyed and speechless. I just wanted to cry so badly becaused I was so grateful that God had taken time to let us know that He had not forgotten us!
That night we returned to our room and received a phone call from overseas telling us that DH's mum had been put on life support. A few hours later, they called again to say that she had died. I wish I could fully express how that night felt. We had received a word from God that we had waited 5 years to receive and then we heard that DH's mum had died. It felt like another blow but at the same time, we knew that God was there. It felt like He sent that word to hold us through what was about to come. I honestly don't know how that news would have hit us if we had not heard from God that night. It may well have been the final straw but instead we wept but still felt hope in our hearts. Though weeping may endure for the night, joy comes in the morning.
It was our final day on the retreat and that morning, we shared our news with the church. They were wonderful and so supportive. I would like to use this forum to publicly thank you all for your support (I know that some of you are reading this!). DH and I are so grateful for the people in our church. They rejoiced with us wholeheartedly when God spoke and mourned with us earnestly when we experienced loss.
We returned to London and returned to work. We booked flights back to SK for the funeral and DH had the mammoth task of planning the funeral from overseas. It was a challenging time and in the midst of it all, I had no choice but to trust God. I know that it was God who sustained us through this summer. Without Him, we would have broken under the pressure of it all.
The funeral went smoothly and we returned to the UK to prepare for adoption panel. Upon arrival, we were welcomed home by a vandalised car. Our windscreen had been smashed and the petrol cap had been stolen. As small as these things may be in comparison to the rest of the summer - this is when I finally broke. I was so angry I stood by the car and cried. Enough was enough! I asked God why! I guess it was a combination of our summer of discontent and all of the drama that it finally all hit me on that Sunday morning. The car was fixed and I returned to work.
Other the next month, we concentrated on preparing for adoption panel. This in itself was a challenge with last minute paperwork being chased up and the medical adviser initially refusing to recommend me as an adopter unless I jumped through more medical hoops. In hindsight, I'm not quite sure how I kept going. Every day was a new challenge and new reason why we may not make it to panel on the agreed date. There was one email from the medical adviser that left me in tears - not a great response as I was actually on a residental school trip at the time. While I absolutely appreciate that the system has to be thorough in their checks to ensure that the children are placed with responsible and safe adults, they also need to know that they are dealing with human beings with feelings. I have never felt so demoralised as I did after reading that email! Our attendance at panel was not confirmed until 10am the day before as some paperwork had not be chased up by the authorities.
The actual panel was an interesting experience - it reminded me of a tough job interview where you are trying to sell yourself for the job. However, in this case, you're trying to prove that you are worthy of being a parent. I'm pleased to say that we were approved and now have the joy of looking for a suitable child. It has only been just over a week since we were approved and it already feels like a strange postition in limbo. We want to get moving and start looking but we have to wait for the social worker to get in contact. I must confess that DH and I have itchy feet and really want to see the process going but I guess we will have to be patient.
We are overjoyed that we have made it this far. It took me a while to understand why everyone else was so ecstatic that we had been approved. I think my senses have just been dulled a bit by all of the drama and hard work that preceded the panel. It just felt like another massive hurdle that we had managed to clear along with all the others!
I guess in adoption terms - "we're now pregnant" - a child will definitely be joining in our family! We don't know how long we will have to wait but we know that he/she is coming! Hmmmm - as I type that it makes me reflect on the word that God gave us. When God gives us a promise, we need to remember that it is guaranteed. In fact, much more guaranteed than being approved by a panel of humans!
Whatever promise you are waiting to see manifest from God, remember that you've been approved! When God gave you that promise, it came with immediate approval. We may not know when, or how, but it's guaranteed! Praise God!!!! If we can put our faith in humans that they can guarantee us a child - how much more God!
Stay blessed and remember that you've been approved!
